10 Personal guidelines I keep coming back to when I feel unsettled.
Use what supports you. Leave the rest behind.
1. You are allowed to change
Being human is an experience of continuous change. Whether it’s a shift in perspective, a new belief, a revamped routine, a different path, a new relationship, or a change in location, most choices are open to reconsideration. Even our identities are flexible, constantly adapting and evolving in real time. Nothing remains static, no matter how much effort we invest in maintaining the status quo. So if you feel inspired to change something, let go of excuses and embrace the possibilities. You might be amazed by what unfolds.
2. Detach from a belief that disempowers you
A belief is simply a thought we’ve practiced so much that it feels true. It can start to feel like a fact about who we are. Many of us tend to focus excessively on beliefs that hold us back. We want to reject or change them, but the more we engage with them, the stronger they become. Instead, notice a belief that disempowers you and observe it outside of yourself, like a passing cloud. Don’t attempt to grasp or fight it. Don’t try to prove it wrong. Simply watch how this one sentence dominates your life, dictates your decisions, and fuels frustration. Remember, you are far more than a collection of your worst experiences.
3. Something wonderful is always around the corner
Believing that something wonderful could happen at any moment can infuse your life with excitement and joyful anticipation. Hopelessness often stems from the mistaken belief that we can predict the future and that it will be bleak. Unless you possess a crystal ball, it’s worth abandoning the assumption that your future will mirror your past or present. Expecting joy creates more joy in the moment. Expecting opportunities cultivates hope. The power to ignite hope and playfulness lives in your mind.
4. What’s for you will find you
When something is meant for you, it can’t miss you. You won’t need to force it or fight for it. What is destined for us finds a way into our lives. Maybe not in the exact way we want or in the time we want, but it will show up. We are always co-creating with the universe, and detours and challenges are often part of the path. Still, they tend to lead us where we’re meant to be. Trust your intuition and pay attention to the signs and synchronicities that appear along the way.
5. Befriend the feelings you want to run away from
Instead of running away from your fears, anxieties, and doubts, welcome them. Acknowledge their presence without judgment and get to know them. They are part of the human experience and will be our co-passengers while we’re here. How do you befriend fear? You ask it whether it has something to tell you and why it showed up in that particular moment. You soothe it with compassionate curiosity and gentle guidance toward courage. You promise yourself that you’ll have your own back, even while holding hands with fear.
6. Create your own script for a good life
Many of us don’t realize until later in life that we are following someone else’s script for what it means to live a good life. When we live by someone else’s rules, we keep ourselves in situations that drain us. We pressure ourselves to work toward things that don’t fulfill us and force ourselves to want what doesn’t make us happy. When we consciously create our own script and choose whose rules we live by, we reclaim our autonomy and live more authentically.
7. Just because you want to is a valid reason
You might be putting your desires on hold, waiting for the perfect moment, waiting for permission or approval, or waiting until you feel brave. Remember that whatever you’re waiting for someone else to tell you, you can tell yourself now. So be brave and do it for yourself. Not for the world, your partner, your kids, that ex who hurt you, or that teacher who humiliated you (oops, guess I’m still bitter about that), but for you. Just because you want to. Yes, it’s allowed. Yes, you can. And have fun while you do it.
8. Respect yourself
Self-respect begins with you. Regardless of past experiences or how you’ve been treated, you have the power to start treating yourself with respect and dignity right now. You don’t have to be someone else’s second choice, do things out of obligation, or constantly put yourself down. If you want to be respected, you have to prioritize yourself. Ask yourself: What would I stop doing if I truly respected myself? What would I start doing? Commit to yourself and follow through.
9. Remove others from the pedestal
When we believe others are inherently superior, we may become overly reliant on their guidance and lose our own self-determination. This can lead to disappointment and disillusionment when our expectations aren’t met. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and no one is inherently better than another. Remove others from the pedestal and remember that your own intuition and wisdom will guide you further than believing someone else knows what’s best for you.
10. Healing is not a self-improvement project
Healing is not about improving yourself, but about finding peace with who you are and where you are now. Instead of spending time analyzing perceived deficiencies and flaws, become curious about what makes you feel alive and playful, what gives you pleasure, what gives you hope, and what your greatest dreams are. Treating yourself like an improvement project reinforces the false belief that you are broken. Being curious about who you really are is healing and life-giving.
Cappuccinos are my creative currency! ☕️